How to Move Forward if You’re Getting Divorced But Still in Love
You were caught off guard when your husband filed for divorce. Sure, there have been times when you've been unhappy in your marriage, but nothing that you ever imagined would cause him to leave. You married him for the rest of your life and never believed you'd be signing documents to terminate your marriage. And yet...you continue to adore him. He might have cheated you with someone else. He may have lost interest in you and believes that rekindling those feelings is impossible. He may be going through a midlife crisis. In any event, he has made his decision, and there is no turning back. You're left to mend your heart, which is still attached to this man even if he no longer loves you.
What are some of the ways you can get better?
1: Recognize that this is taking place
It would be a mistake to seem as if "all is alright" or to put on a pleasant front to make others think you are managing this life shift like the capable, strong lady you have always been. During this turbulent period, there is no need to be a hero. If you don't show your friends and family that you're in agony, they won't be able to assist you to cope.
2: Allow it to go out. Be truthful
Tell them you're devastated, that you love your spouse, and that you need their support as you handle this major life event.
3: Look for a support group
People going through a divorce may connect, chat, weep, and share their stories in a variety of community groups. It's reassuring to know that you're not alone in your feelings. Ensure that the support group is led by an experienced counsellor so that the meetings do not descend into a succession of complaints with no solution-oriented guidance being offered.
4: Negative self-talk should be avoided at all costs
It's neither useful nor true to tell oneself, "I'm an idiot for still loving him after what he did to me!" You aren't a moron. You are a kind, generous lady with love and understanding at your core. It's not shameful to be in love with someone who has been your life partner for many years, even if that person chose to stop the relationship. So, instead of putting yourself down through negative self-talk, be optimistic.
5: Participate in a new and demanding pastime
This is a tried-and-true method for improving your self-esteem and forming new friendships with people who did not know you as a pair. Check out your local resources to discover what's available.
6: Have you wanted to study French for a long time?
Adult education programmes are almost certainly available at your local community college.Consider a sculpting or painting workshop. You'll not only stay occupied, but you'll also come home with something beautiful that you've made! Joining a gym or a running club is an excellent method to work off any negative ideas. Exercise has the same antidepressant effects as medications. Find the right mix of alone time and social time.
You don't want to isolate yourself too much, but you do want to set aside some time for yourself. You may well have forgotten what it was like to be single if you have been married for a long period. You may find it unsettling at first. However, reframe these moments: you are not alone; you are engaging in self-care.
7: Participate in a new and demanding pastime
This is a tried-and-true method for improving your self-esteem and forming new friendships with people who did not know you as a pair. Check out your local resources to discover what's available. You must learn to be okay with being alone to be able to love again. This will allow you to open yourself to another man from a place of stability rather than desperation (which will happen!). When the man you were in love with decides he is no longer in love with you, it is natural to feel bereft and heartbroken. But keep in mind that you've now joined a big group of people who have made it through and flourished in their post-divorce lives. Allow yourself time, be compassionate with yourself, and trust that you will fall in love again.