6 ways to bring your best self in a relationship
According to psychotherapist and couples counsellor Susan Adler, "resentment is a relationship killer." If we want healthier relationships, we must stop blaming each other, accept our faults, and act in ways that foster connection rather than conflict. She claims that most people have this blindspot: "Instead of realising that our dissatisfaction puts stress on our relationship, we blame our partnership for our misery – we get upset, then we want to get even, then we wonder why things go wrong." And, as Adler puts it, "you may still be a couple, but you're no longer a team" after repeated exposure to this potent mix of blame, anger, and retribution.
We may all benefit from stronger, more intimate ties. "These are difficult times," Adler says. "What if we could encourage each other — especially those with whom we collaborate — to be more thoughtful, caring versions of ourselves?"One can avoid the troubles, but they will use more of your energy and lead you nowhere. And this only makes you feel trapped. And, let's be honest, who wants to be stuck?
The days of 'if, then' (if my spouse does this, then I will do that) have given way to expectations that individuals live their best lives, be truthful, and take the necessary efforts to bring their best selves to their marriage. Isn't it hard to wait for the other person to change? Wouldn't you like to take the measures YOU need to take to feel better about yourself and expect more from your marriage or relationship? In this article, I will help you with 6 ways to bring your best self to your relationship.
1. Have your property.
Simply identify your problems and difficulties, and then assess what has to be changed. We can all make a difference. Take ownership of it, confront it, and take the necessary actions to set you on a new road.
2. Develop your emotional intelligence (EQ)
Being able to regulate your own emotions and explain how you feel to another person without bursting is what EQ is all about. It's becoming increasingly important in relationships - both at work and at home. EQ consists of four components:
Self-awareness is the ability to be aware of how you are thinking, reacting, feeling, and behaving in the present and the long term.
Self-management- Your capacity to manage yourself is dependant on self-awareness and your ability to use your understanding of your emotions while being flexible to positively steer your actions.
Social awareness is the capacity to perceive another person's emotions and comprehend what is going on in their life. Relationship management is the use of self-awareness, self-control, and social awareness to enhance interpersonal relationships.
3. Determine your triggers
We are all affected by triggers. So, please, don't be the person who feels they are free from this. What exactly are they? What's the point of having them? What is the source of their origin? When was the last time you encountered these triggers differently? Was it someone or something that brought them back into your life? If that's the case, how will you deal with them?
4: Up your ability to Communicate
Begin with a soft launch. Is this a good time to discuss, or would another time be preferable? Turn your attention to your spouse. When your spouse is reaching out for 'bids' (John Gottman), turn towards them even if you are not in the mood at the time. This will reveal the link between the two of you.' Take a break. Do you feel overburdened? Request a timeout (a brief amount of time) to regroup or cool down. Commit, though, to return to the dialogue. Pay attention and hear. Yes, we all listen, but are we hearing our partners or are we just waiting for them to stop talking so we can talk about how we feel?
5: Remain curious
Remember how much fun it was to discover about the person who would eventually become your husband or partner while you were dating? What happened to those days? Do you continue to inquire about their day? What are their passions? What are their interests? Do you still talk about how much fun and excitement you can have together? Are you naturally inquisitive, and do you continue to be inquisitive about your partner or spouse? This is essential for a long-term and healthy connection.
Demanding more does not imply creating unrealistic expectations that cannot be satisfied, but rather aiming to provide a little bit more than before.
Relationships thrive when each individual shows up with purpose, attention, and presence. Do you want to be your best not just for yourself, but also for your relationship?